Asian Humor – take the challenge

 
 
Thanks to Angela
 
TOP TEN REASONS WHY THERE WON’T BE AN ASIAN-AMERICAN PRESIDENT ANYTIME SOON.

10. White House not big enough for in-laws.
9. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics.
8. Oval Office has bad feng shui.
7. Can’t find decent roast duck inside the beltway.
6. Secret service can’t handle nagging from mother.
5. Dignitaries generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners.
4. No chance for promotion.
3. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct.
2. Senior aides won’t take off shoes before coming in.
1. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles.


HOW TO BE THE PERFECT ASIAN-AMERICAN PARENT?

1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew.
2. Don’t ask where the other point went when your child comes
     home with grade on his/her report card.
3. Don’t "ai-yah" (= Oh My God!) loudly at your kid’s dress habits.
4. Don’t blatantly hint about the merits of Habad (Harvard),
     Yeil(Yale), Purinsiton (Princeton), or Stamfud (Stanford).
5. Don’t reveal all the intimate details of your kid’s life to the
     entire Asian community.
6. Don’t ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?"
     if he/she majors in a non-science field.
7. Don’t give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of
     bangs.
8. Don’t try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their
     poor taste or inept social skills.
9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When
     are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with your
     children.
10. Don’t ask all your kid’s friends over the age of 21 if they have a
    boy/girlfriend yet.


50 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU’RE AN ASIAN.

1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs.
2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance.
3. You have more than one college degree, especially more than one Master’s.
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano.
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door.
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack or extended cabinet.
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
12. You boil water before drinking.
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.
14. You don’t use measuring cups when preparing foods.
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.
16. You have a rice cooker.
17. You’re a wok user.
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it.
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. You don’t dry-clean clothes, even if they need to be dry-cleaned.
22. You iron your own shirts.
23. You like congee (Chinese porridge) with thousand year old eggs.
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it.
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills IN FULL.
26. You keep most of your money in a savings account.
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water.
29. You hate to waste food –
    a) even if you’re totally full, if someone says they’re going
        to throw away the leftovers on the table, you’ll finish them.
    b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of
        rice or one leftover chicken wing.
30. You don’t own any real Tupperware, only a cupboard full of used but
    carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them.
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and
    little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Costco sized or come in
    plastic packets, which you save every time you get take out or go to
    McDonald’s.
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
38. When you go to a dance party, there is a wall of guys surrounding
    the dance floor trying to look cool.
39. Your house/apartment is always cold in winter, and hot in summer.
40. Your mom drives her Mercedes to Costco, or Super Store regardless
    how far it is, even if Safeway or Co-op is next door.
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phonebook, since calling
     Directory Assistance costs 75 cents.
42. You only make long distance calls after midnight or during
     weekends.
43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and tails still attached.
44. You never call your parents just to say HI.
45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good cars!
46. You use a coloured face cloth every morning.
47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.
48. You’ve joined a CD club at least once.
49. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
    AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends!

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